Should you be friends first before you start dating
First, building a friendship greatly puts you in the position to know a person's heart.When you spend time with someone for a prolonged period of time, building an active friendship with them, you will inevitably learn about their primary passions, their affections, what they find valuable, what they find beautiful, what they are in awe of.For purposes of this article, I want to focus on the fact that it was badly rushed. Why is it a poor decision for two people to rush into a dating relationship?Is there a wiser way to go about the whole enterprise of dating?All I cared about was perversity and was enslaved by the lusts of my flesh, lusts that I am happy to say God has pierced through and overcome for me in my life.My first ever relationship began during this time in my life before I was converted to Jesus Christ, and so it was founded upon a lot of rushed, unwise, unbiblical, and therefore unloving things.As I write this article, sincerely hoping that it ministers to you, reader, I am in the very season of life that I am writing about.I am currently building a friendship with a young woman that I attend church with.
I found the things of God to be boring, church to be a snooze fest and the idea of gently caring for a woman's heart and loving her like Jesus to be just no fun at all.Another way of saying this is that any act of sexual immorality both legally transgresses God's law and personally grieves God's heart.I brought up the earlier point to illustrate that building a friendship has the potential power to help a couple against the fleshly temptation to lust after each other and treat each other like objects rather than people, but that is not to say that sexual sin is any less severe a crime in the absence of a friendship. Finally, I want to close this article by giving a personal story of how valuable it is to build a friendship with someone before beginning a romantic, dating relationship with them.It appears that the existence of a commitment makes it harder both to break up if it is necessary and harder for both people or at least one of them when that day comes.
Now that we've pointed out some of the flaws in jumping into relationships in a rushed fashion, I will give a few reasons why I strongly believe that building a friendship before dating is a highly valuable thing to do that should be pursued by everyone rather than the reckless alternative.
I would say rushing into a relationship is definitely a poor decision and that all people who are seeking the romantic love of a relationship should take time before dating to build a solid friendship, one that can endure difficulty and where enough vulnerability has been shown for it to be real rather than disingenuous and fake. There may be more, but I will here give two reasons. I say this because we almost intuitively know that relationships are a big enough deal in reality that rushing into them in a reckless fashion doesn't befit their importance.